Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
