butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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