its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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