Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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