i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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