Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
