the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
