omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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