she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
