All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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