Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just want to make out with him forever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
