There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
