you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
