I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
