If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
