The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
