The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
