wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
