Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
