woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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