I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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