I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
