why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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