Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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