Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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