Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
