do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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