Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
