as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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