Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said her name was "party"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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