Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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