just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
