I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need water and some morals
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
