I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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