We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
