This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
