I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
