one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
