Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
