we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
