Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
