Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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