This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
