Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
