I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
