Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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