That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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