i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
MIDGETS
????
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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