we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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