I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
