I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
