I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
