So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
