Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
