One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
