I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
