As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
